Our house

in the middle of our street, has needed some repairs. They include but are not limited to:

Brand new drywall in the downstairs bathroom
*New tanks for both toilets (half done)
Attaching the kitchen sink to the counter instead of just having in rest on it
De-gunking the kitchen drain
New drywall in the basement
sealing the basement from further flooding
*new outlet for sump-pump
*Replace water heater
*Replace water meter
Scrape stupid wallpaper borders from 2 bedrooms
Fix porch railing
*replace locks
*fix various leaks (half done)
get rid of mold in basement and downstairs bathroom
replace plate on front of fuse box
*replace kitchen sink faucet
Fix master bedroom door so it actually closes


I'm sure there are some more things I can't remember at the moment. We have to replace the doors, but that's more because we hate having HUGE windows in the middle of ours. We'll probably replace the interior doors as well because we don't really like the $20 crappy plastic ones they've put on there. They're all white and for some reason it's driving me nuts.

This whole situation has made me realize how infinitely valuable my father is as a human being. He is being so helpful and I absolutely love him for it. He's the best dad ever. If my grandpa lived closer we'd have this place in ship shape 2 times over by now. :D

We have a house! Dexter has his own room! We have room to have another baby in a couple years! We are homeowners and we got this place for a steal!

I'm excited, and not only because Dexter decided today was a good day to give kisses. :D

*just* a housewife

(bare with me, it's a long one.)

A while backed I dated an alright guy. I choose someone else over him. This resulted in him trying to compensate for the loss. This compensation included him telling me he knew that the new guy was going to hurt me (funny, it never resulted in any further certainties when I asked how). It also included his telling everyone he knew that I just wanted to be a housewife. He said it with such disdain, like it pained him physically to utter the words. I shouldn't be surprised. This is all coming from the guy who admitted he talked down to me because I hadn't gone to college. (Where has that fancy math degree taken you?)

What's so terrible about wanting to be someone's mom? What's so terrible about wanting to be the one to cook and clean? If this were 50 years ago I'd be praised for wanting this. I could never be "just a housewife" sitting on my ass eating chocolates or something similar. Why can't a housewife be intelligent and worthy of the same intellectual allowances of someone who paid for a degree just so they can get a job not using it?

The only time I've ever been sure I was doing the right thing in life was when I was keeping house for Julie and Clay and doing things like teaching Patrick to write his name, or showing James the finer points of masterpieces like Peewee's Big Adventure? (James' aversion of Large Marge notwithstanding)

I like being responsible for making someone into a great individual. One could argue I should've been a teacher then. I don't think I could deal with putting so much effort into so many folks and seeing them turn their lives into shit and become boring and dull. I'm better with small groups.


As long as I'm ranting, can I mention how completely ridiculous it is to post a rambling livejournal entry about how perfect everything is going to be when you have kids, only to follow it with an entry talking about how you love having the freedom to just pick up and leave whenever? Kids change EVERYTHING and even the most stable relationships get chewed up, spit out and stepped on. Get ready for the ride of your life sweetheart, and don't forget to throw any and all expectations out the goddamn window. When you're up at 1:30 am for the fourth night in a row and your kid is doing everything they can to just stay up and hang out, you get time to think and find out what kind of parent (and person) you are. When you're losing 10 pounds because you can't keep anything down but water in the first few months of pregnancy, you find out just how fast all your ideas of "only eating healthy" go flying out the window you roll down at the McDonalds drive thru.

*semi-unrelated note: never having had a fight in your entire relationship doesn't mean you're meant for each other, it just means you're with someone who never cares about anything enough to argue about it. Trust me, I've been there and walked all over that trying to get some kind of reaction. I'd much rather have an argumentative HONEST guy anyday.*


College doesn't make you a better person. Having kids is something you can create an outline of some very open guidelines for at best. If your life is full of concrete values and unwavering opinions on How It's Going To Be, then do yourself and your future offspring a favor. Don't have any. The lack of control will destroy you and the desperate attempts to regain it will destroy them.

For example, some things I was NEVER GOING TO LET MY KID DO:

1. Watch lots of tv
When you're on the 2nd straight hour of running around after a screaming baby, you'll welcome an hour of them sitting, laughing, and being enthralled and overjoyed at Yo Gabba Gabba or Sesame Street or The Backyardigans. You might even resign yourself to the fact that they like their TV friends better than you at the moment.

2. need to be rocked to sleep

Babies cry, and you never realize how animalistic and instinct driven motherhood is until you find a friend's baby crying cute and tear your hair out when your kid barely even whimpers, let alone flat-out balls-to-the-wall WAILS when you try to teach them to fall asleep on their own.

3. You know what, I'm sure I had a list years and years ago. I'm sure it had tons upon tons of rules and restrictions on it, but my regulations have relaxed and changed so much since I had him that right now my only rule is I won't let my kid be forced to be anything he doesn't want to be. I know this sounds silly to most of you, but I can safely attest to the fact that babies probably know better about How It's Going To Be and What They Want more than college graduates or wise aged folks do.

Put that in your pedantic pipe and smoke it. I wil be a housewife, and I will revel in the fact that I will watch my children grow and stil be able to carve out time to expand my mind, should I choose to.

And the guy I chose, the one who was accused of never questioning me or making me strive for greatness, he pushes me everyday to finish medical transcription school. We speak of the future and returns on investments and what that could mean in a few years. It could mean I could follow the other path I felt comfortable on and start a business.

Moral, if you must have one,

You don't know anything, so stop pretending we had some intense connection when you closed your mind off to any option besides COLLEGE!! And the great $30K waste.


Oh, and you, quit thinking things will go as planned and start taking out insurance policies on your relationship if you really are planning on procreating. I've known stronger couples barely make it through the first year.



For everyone else, we're in talks and planning out our closing date details. Bring on the townhome and rooming with the Kellys. :)

Now someone come hang out with my wide awake son so I can sleep.

I promise I will crochet again and post about it soon. I made some purses and have a newfound love of adding buttons to things. All in due time they will be posted here.

oh HAPPY DAY.

The last 24 hours went as follows:

~10pm: Steve calls to inform me he is on his way to the hospital, because he ran over his foot with a pallet jack.

~12am: Steve calls to tell me he's been discharged with a clean bill of foot health, and is on his way home.

~9am: I get a call from the neighbor across the street telling us the back window of the van is smashed in.

WTF PEOPLE???? I keep thinking it was Steve's Dad. It looked like someone threw a bottle of Mickeys at our window. It didn't look like a bunch of beer was dry on the concrete. It must've been an empty bottle. Who would want to throw an empty bottle at our car hard enough to SMASH OUT AN ENTIRE BACK WINDOW???

It's fixed now, and I didn't even get any pictures. We filed a police report and Steve said not to tell him I think it was his dad. Who knows. Maybe it was stupid kids looking for fun. Maybe it was someone Steve cut off in traffic. Maybe it was the stupid realtor, since we complained to her boss about her being a lazy dumb ass.

UG. I just want things to go smoothly for awhile. Is that so much to ask?

Sorry for the lack of crochet patterns in this post. Next time we'll be back to our regularly scheduled programming.

for better pot grabbing

no, not that. That's illegal!

I'm talking potholders, and circle potholders at that!

They're similar in design to the hats. In fact, they consist of the beginning of the hats and then you just slip stitch them together!

For those not familiar with the hat design, I'll post it here too.

Same abbreviations as always. ch=chain, sl st= slip stitch, dc=double crochet.


Ch 4. Join with a sl st to form a ring.
Round 1: Ch 2 (counts as first dc here and throughout), 9 dc in ring. 10 dc total.
Round 2: Ch 2, dc in same st. 2 dc in each stitch around. 20 dc total.
Round 3: Ch 2, 2 dc in next st, dc in next st. (2 dc, dc, 2 dc) around. 30 dc total.
Round 4: Ch 2, dc in next st. 2 dc in next st. (dc in next 2 st, 2 dc) around. 40 dc total.
Round 5: Ch 2, dc in next 2 st. 2 dc in next st. (dc in next 3 st, 2 dc) around. 50 dc total.
Round 6: Ch 2, dc in next 3 st. 2 dc in next st. (dc in next 4 st, 2 dc) around. 60 dc total.
Round 7: Ch2, dc in next 4 st. 2 dc in next st. (dc in next 5 st, 2 dc) around. 70 dc total.

Make 2.

With the wrong side of the potholders facing each other, line them up so the ch 2s are together. Start stitching them together here. Make sure to chain 1 so you have something to slip stitch into when you're done. This is very similar to putting granny squares together. You work only in the back loops of the stitches, slip stitching your way around the circles.

Another variation is to use single crochet to put them together. If you choose this option, put an extra single crochet every 6th stitch. It continues the increase (imagine that, you can now say you've worked a dc increase! It's really just 2 dc in one stitch. This pattern reading seems hard but it's not. If I can get it, anyone can.) and prevents the potholders from trying to become a hat.

When you get to where you started, ch 12. Slip stitch into that chain 1, and you're good to go. Cut the yarn and weave the ends in.

Here's one I've made. If you guys make some, post the pictures!

In Memoriam

wHat?

I received a request on my last post to put up instructions for a hat. This is my variation on this pattern here. I obviously have not mastered that flower yet. I'm working on it. As with the flowers, this pattern can be adapted to different size heads with different sized hooks. I find a J hook makes a decent sized hat for a regular adult sized head. If you are afflicted, as I am, with a head with a 42 inch circumference, you may want to start out with a K hook. I've also found that the size of the hat can vary depending on what type of yarn you use too. I'm posting the pattern for a normal hat. The trim, as seen on the pink hat, will be posted right after.

For the sake of examples, I'll say to use a J hook. Any variations to the pattern to increase the hat size will be in brackets.

The abbreviations are the same as the last pattern: sl st=slip stitch, dc=double crochet, sc= single crochet, ch=chain.

Ch 4. Sl st to form a ring.
Round 1: Ch 2. This counts as the first dc here and throughout. 9 dc in ring. This will make 10 double crochet total. Sl st in top ch of beginning ch 2. (hereafter referred to as Join)
Round 2: Ch 2. dc in same stitch. 2 dc in each stitch around. 20 dc total. Join
Round 3: Ch 2. 2 dc in next st. (dc in next st, 2 dc in next st,) around. 30 dc total. Join
Round 4: ch 2. dc in next st. 2 dc in next st. (dc in next 2 st, 2 dc in next stitch) around. 40 dc total. Join.
Round 5: Ch 2. dc in next 2 st. 2 dc in next st. (dc in next 3 st, 2 dc in next st) around. 50 dc total. Join.
Round 6: Ch 2. dc in next 3 st. 2 dc in next st. (dc in next 4 st, 2 dc in next st) around. 60 dc total. Join.
[if you are making this for a massive noggin, add another row of increasing stitches here. (dc in 5 st, 2 dc in next st.) around. 70 total.]
Round 7-14: Ch 2, dc in each st around. 60 dc total. [70 if making a bigger hat]
Round 15: Ch 1, sc in each st around. Cut yarn, weave in ends.

[in the case of the bigger hat, I've found 16 rows and then a row of sc work well.]

Edging:
This makes a Lazy Shell. If you're adding this don't cut and weave in yarn. Just continue using the same yarn. (unless you're opting for a different color).

after you finish the single crochet row:
Ch 1, (sc, Ch 3, 2 dc) all in next st. skip next 2 sc. (sc, Ch 3, 2 dc in next st, skip next 2 sc) around. join. Cut yarn. Weave in ends.

I'm serious about you guys trying it and posting pictures of the finished products. :D I plan on selling a bunch of hats at my garage sale at the end of next month, so I'll let you know how lucrative they are. They really don't use a lot of yarn. If you figure a skein of yarn costs $3 (and that's towards the high end, price-wise) you can get more than 3 hats from a good sized skein. you could sell these for $1.50 and make lotsa profit. Who doesn't want a nice, warm skull cap for a buck and a half?

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Maybe some of you have notice the name change of the blog. I felt bad having retail clerk up there, because I haven't been one for nigh on a year now. I also wanted a place to showcase whatever crocheting I've been up to. I wanted a place where folks who were curious about crocheting could learn and make cute stuff. From now on, amidst updates when I have time for them, I'll be posting some current projects I'm working on and instructions on how to make them.


Here's the first one. It's the first pattern I adapted and made on my own. It's for flowers to adorn whatever. The first application I used them in was on a hat. The hat is a variation on a pattern from this lovely lady. It's the basic crown pattern, and once you make the increasing rows as desired, you just do rows of double crochet until the hat is long enough to reach or go just past your ears. That's up to you.

Laurie's 5 petal flowers:

Abbreviations I'll be using, extended:

sl st= slip stitch
sc= single crochet
dc= double crochet
hdc= half double crochet
ch= chain
rnd= round

The beauty of this little guys is you can use whatever size hook you want, with whatever colors and types of yarn you like.

1. Ch 4. sl st to form ring.
2. (rnd 1) ch 1 (counts as first sc), sc in ring. (ch 2, 2 sc, ch2) around until you have 5 ch 2 spaces. Sl st to the ch 1.
3. Sl st to ch 2 space. ch 2 (counts as hdc). 9 dc in same ch 2 space. hdc. (hdc, 9 dc, hdc) in next ch 2 space and in each ch 2 space around. Sl st to top of beginning ch 2.

Cut the yarn, weave in the ends and you've got a flower. You can make them in varying hook sizes. I would try and put 2 sizes between small, medium, and biggest flower. It makes the nested flowers look a little less cluttered. You can sew them on to hats, scarves, blankets, etc.

Make these and post pictures! Comment with any questions and happy crocheting.

Just look at this!!!

This stuff is insane!

http://www.edithzimmerman.com/blog/

clickity click. She does amazing work!

That mantis is my favorite.

Movin on Up

On sunday we looked at some condos. We narrowly missed seeing Steve's Dad, and found a place where we would feel comfortable raising Dex and maybe another one.

It is across the sidewalk from the place my family moved to when they first moved out to the suburbs. (Julie, Clay, and June will be most familar with this one.)

Let me give you a bit of an example because housing prices vary across the good Ol' US. We were looking at 2 bedroom condos that were 75K to 150K. Granted, the 150K ones were completely refurbished in the last 2 years due to a fire. They were purdy. Anyways, they were 2 levels, and 2 bathrooms, usually 1.5 bathrooms.

The place we're going to try and get has 2 floors, 3 bedrooms, kitchen full of appliances, A BASEMENT!, and 1.5 bathrooms. It's 81,900. The outside of the building looks like a jungle threw up everywhere because the guy who owns the townhomes you can rent thinks planting a million trees will make things look nicer. I choose to think it looks like I'm living in some ruined overgrown ancient city.

What I liked is no one gave me the stink eye, we wouldn't have to worry about running into Steve's Dad, and all the people and kids we saw were saying hi and being polite. Another big plus is I have a little bit of yard just big enough for some flowers and veggies. :D

I really, really hope we get this place.

Shameless promotion part three:

There is this wonderful site that will kill lots of time. Go there, and you get results like these!

This is the original picture I chose.

Afro Carribean me.

Anime Me.This is the "mucha" filter. I'm assuming it's some awesome painter's style.


AHHH! Old me!

Why does "drunk" me look so much like Lily Allen?

This is the "Boticelli" me from another picture I chose.

I never realized how much I look like my brother. Yikes. ("masculine" filter)

And here are some of Steve just for good measure!
This would be "El Greco" Steve.

And Old Steve! He looks like the kind of guy who'd teach you how to fish, when in reality he will be of the "Gran Torino-Get-The-Hell-Of-My-Lawn!!!" type.

I fully expect you all to go there. I don't plan on updating this blog with much substance anymore, if you want something worthwile to look at, go check out the pictures of my kid.

Shameless promotion part two:

Visit SWAP MAMAS


Edit: it's hard to type while holding a baby. :(

Shameless promotions

1. If you are a parent, go HERE. Tell 'em Laurie sent ya. It's such a brilliant idea. I flirt with hating the person who came up with it. It's just so brilliant.

2. if you are in my neck of the woods (northlake) come to my impending garage sale! Buy my old junk. It's going to the very worthy cause of getting me and mine a place of our own.

3. Anyone need a photographer? Working with Mario a couple weekends ago got me interested in the biz again. I'd like to photograph things and not just get paid in food.

el oh el.

This

made me laugh. I figured I'd share it with anyone still reading this ol bloggy.

In other news, I really thought I was out of high school. I wish people would come to me. If I was the source of something, ask. My email isn't too hard to find.

Also, in case any of you didn't know, if it's anonymous that means it HAS to be me. ESPECIALLY if it's from the North. You know, I'm the only one up here Julie may POSSIBLY talk to. It's not like she had friends here before she moved to GA. It's not like she has family here.

I think I might just take credit for all anonymous stuff if the credit is getting thrown at me. There's some good quotes and poems I've written it seems.

New haircut

it's shorter than I wanted, but I think I've made peace with it. P.S. if Dex's eyes turn out to be that color green, I can't say I'd be disappointed. :D

80 year old lady.

I've been crocheting a lot more now that Dex is pretty happy just hanging out on his own. (well, as happy as he can be now that he's getting teeth!) I have some stuff I'm trying to get done for a garage sale we plan on having either later next month or early July. We need toget a fund going to help with our down payment on a place before December.

HEY FOLKS! BUY MY USELESS CRAP!

Grandma and Grandpa's House

I have lots of pictures and little time, so I leave you with this:



I wish I could go there more often. Nothing like a front porch and a nice breeze.

Also, there's this:

I'd do anything in this God-Almighty world if you'd just let me follow you down.

If I'm sneaking into a downward spiral, you can bet your collective hats I'm not gonna fight it anymore.

Tonight was one of those nights. I have had a cold for a week that leaves me sounding like a 50 year-old (who smoked for 40 of those years) ex-Copa dancer who got a job at a diner to supplement the social security. There are those who call me Lola. I currently sound like a past-her-prime showgirl.

I have been extra tired because the little guy is getting mobile. This is playing hob with his ability to switch off and stay asleep. This, in turn, has messed with my ability to stay asleep.

In short, I'm tired dang it.

I had a visit from my Mom and Fox today. We walked to the park and I got to take pictures (my addiction of choice) and all around had fun and got WORN OUT. I got to see Fox dying to climb into the bathtub and watch the proceedings as I bathed Dex. It was a high point in the evening. Hell, a high point in the week. (we'll exclude sunday, because that's a day all on it's own.)

Earlier in the evening I got to fight Dex to get him to eat the sweet potato I lovingly baked for him. He wouldn't touch it until I mixed it with his squash and some bananas. I was rewarded for my efforts with his deciding to "see a man about a wallaby" right there, in his high chair. I go to change him and end up half covered in crap myself. :( At that point we notice Fox had managed to sneak one in too, that was slowly leaving it's mark on his pants.

In short, surrounded by shit.

After the clean-up and after the park we hung around watching Backyardigans until both boys were adequately sleepy-eyed and said our goodbyes. I laid Dex down to sleep and got all cozy at the computer to start working on school and taking all too many "breaks" and reading the SomethingAwful Forums. The internet wasn't working. I checked the modem. All the right lights were stable. All the right lights were blinking. I checked out router. It usually has 4 blue lights, wired, router, modem, and internet. The modem light was orange and blinking. I restarted the computer. Twice. I shut the computer down. I cut the power to both the modem and router. Twice. I was at my wits end. I involved Steve in the mess and got him nice and frustrated before work. I endured snarkiness from Steve's Stepdad. I about tore my hair out trying to stop that little orange light from blinking so the internet light right after it would go ahead and turn blue.

After some conversing with Mario, I was sure the modem was done for and I was ready to yell upstairs to the StepDad that I was right, and a call to comcast would have to be made. Steve told me to try and unplug the cable from the modem. (this should adequately illustrate my complete lack of self-faith/knowledge of anything electric) I asked "The one you have to unscrew?" He said yes and I gave it the go ahead.

In short, I kick that modem/router's ass. (as can by adequately illustrated by my presence on the internet now.)

I have been getting angry about Steve's Dad. (so angry it scares me). I have been quick to sadness, anger, and happiness. I fear mania. I fear malnutrition. I fear the staple still left in my skin from the point of exit my son used in the latter part of last year. Then I fear the fear is something new.

In short, I need to stop watching House M.D.

I sure hope I'm not going crazy, but if I am, just let me follow it down.

halp.

Someone make me feel better, plz? Someone tell me my ex-boyfriend does NOT have the right to make me feel like crap?

I'd elaborate on his slimy-ness, but family reads this. Just know it's not Justin or Damon. It's the effing TOOL that lived in my parents house after we broke up and didn't pay my father rent when I was paying rent.

Yeah. Something tells me that guy doesn't get to be judgemental and treat me like I'm scum.

What was that Picard told Steve to do??

Oh, that's right!

"Engage!"












For those who care, the ring is the three of our birthstones. It's also engraved with our initials in chronological birth order. This happens to be LSD.

No plans made yet, but I know I'm not waiting forever and planning some magical princess wedding.

The reality of it still hasn't sunk in yet.

Sandwiched between Alabama and South Carolina

It started with a 19-hour-long car trip. A friend of mine was in town to visit relatives and say goodbye to an ailing one. After 10 or so days of introducing her daughter to extended family and friends, she hopped in a car with us, headed due southeast. I can't say I was excited about the journey ahead of us. Her 3 month old hates being in the car. She just kind of hates not being held by anyone. (Luckily, she's unbelievably cute to make up for it. See photo.) We left Chicago at 5:30 am our time. (6:30am GA time). We didn't get to our final destination until midnight GA time. It wasn't necessarily a bad trip. No major baby breakdowns until right after we crossed into GA. Plus, there's all the nice scenery.


We got in late, but everyone at the Perry Household was ready and waiting to see us. We introduced them all to my son. (We'll pretend that my son was the only reason they were up at that ungodly hour, and forget anything having to do with the g-d well! :D )

The first full day we were there was Patrick's 15th birthday. I won't even get into how weird it is that he's almost grown. I babysat him. He's my first little summer buddy.

I had lots of fun with James, and it seemed like he had lots of fun with us and with Dexter. He's growing up so fast too. Those boys are my practice babies. I got to help raise them and I will be forever grateful for that. Especially when I can tell them to make a crazy face and it comes out like this:

How can you not love these guys?

There was much running around and getting things done. I took over 300 pictures over 4 days. Not all of them are gems, but they are all HERE. Check 'em out. Tell me if they're good. Even after taking 300 pictures, I can still think of about a million more I should've taken. My mind wanders to the million I'll never get to take. It wanders and wonders about the missed pictures with those now gone. My son will never get pot liquor from collards from his grandaddy. He'll never know the house on Maple Dr, or the creek behind it.

But enough of that...

I went on a hiking adventure with James. I got to visit the trail I ran/walked when I lived in Georgia. We were Dr. Grant and his assistant keeping an eye out for dinosaurs ("You know, like in that movie, Jurassic Park? Do you remember it Laurie?") We found the tiniest frogs I've ever seen and I got a good picture of the chimney in the middle of the woods.
As always, I got to eat good food and get some grocery shopping done. (I don't know what I'd do if I was in GA and didn't go help with the grocery shopping. Another common thing with Georgia visits is them going by before I know it. Luckily Dexter slept better than he has in months. I was rested enough to stay up until 2am talking most nights. In amidst the well trouble, there was a lovely little visit wedged in. My only regret is not being able to take Patrick to see Watchmen. I bought him a video game and lunch at 5 Guys, so hopefully he'll forgive me. :D If he doesn't, next time I give him a mohawk I'll make it crooked. :D

In case anyone else was wondering...

I had someone ask me what my blog name meant. To be clear, (and I thought it was) think of the phrase "heart of gold". It's one of those things writers like because it sums up a lot about a person in a neat little package. How would one envision someone with a heart that's just gold-plated?

Seriously folks, this has nothing to do with where you put your food. :[


Georgia is fun, and the time is fleeting as usual. Last night Steve said we could stay another day, which is nice of him. I think he's thinking that if we're going to be driving all night it will be easier on him to get back into the swing of things for work the next night.

I am going to have a TON of pictures for you all.

The weather has been wonderful.

Besides all the getting ready for a road trip, things have been good. Dex started saying "mama" today. It wasn't directed at me, and I don't think he knows that "Mama" means me yet. I keep saying "what did you need?" or "Yes, I'm right here." when he says it. Hopefully he'll put 2 and 2 together soon. I can't wait!

On the road again...

On Monday I will be spending approximately 12 hours in a car with these two.

6 more days!

Then I will be in Georgia! I can't wait to introduce the little guy to all the new little guys down there. I can't wait to have him meet Julie, Clay, and the boys. I might even take her up on the offer to babysit him all the time.

The car has been tinkered with and looked over and is running better than when we got it. The brakes are fixed, oil is changed and we're ready to go. I have some laundry to do and another physical therapy appointment for Dex tomorrow, and after that it's packing, packing, and more packing. Then it's driving, driving, and more driving. I am so excited about it now, but we'll see how we all feel (Julia included) after spending 10-12 hours in a car with a baby who wants nothing to do with it. Hopefully I can be extra silly and string up some toys or something to distract her from hating not being held by her mom. Pray for me folks, I'll be in a car going from Chicago to Newnan, GA with a 7 month old and a 3 month old in the car. Yikes.

Every couple of moons...

I get this insurmountable urge to do a clean sweep of my online friends. The last time I did it I wiped out a bunch of folks I used to work with at Stones. This time it's hitting a little closer to home, or at least what was home a good 4-5 years ago.

It's sad when people I used to see almost daily are only glimpses on a feed on a networking website. These people who claimed to be my friends but scampered as quick as they could when I needed them most. I'm also kind of leery of the rationale behind someone's significant other being friends with me, and the person I used to know won't even send back an email. Or accept a friend request.

It was a rough day with Dex today, (and I'm going to get by a bunch of moms for saying this), his bad days are much worse because he's usually so mellow and calm otherwise. Sure, he can be a whiny brat, but only when he really needs something. It's rough to not be able to fix things for him. I know I'm pretty crazy, but my mind goes bad places when he starts acting like something's wrong.

P.S. on the Dex front, he might need a helmet to help shape his head. Apparently he's got plagiocephaly. He definitely has torticollis. Poor little guy looks like he's constantly resting his left ear on his shoulder. We go for physical therapy on wednesday. Here's hoping that his ears only look asymmetrical because he's always tilting his head.

I've been wondering who I fucked karmic-ly because (omitting all things related to Dex) I've had a shit year. I don't want to say things have gone bad ever since I got serious with Steve, but they kind of have. I think if we just had a couple days to ourselves we could sit and think all this through and figure out wtf is wrong. I think that lack of sleep has made us unable to sift through the crap so we bicker about EVERYTHING. Not in front of Dex, but it's started seeping that way. I don't like it. Part of me thinks that if he really loved me he'd have asked me to marry him by now. I'm sort of just resigning myself to being a girlfriend forever and am looking into decently priced insurance policies because unless I have his last name, I won't be on Steve's. (which is like, reason #5 billion why it'd be nice if we were legally bonded. Definitely not top of the list, but nice)

I am looking forward and I'm thinking of vacations in the future and the possibility that Steve's mom and stepdad will be out of town this weekend. Here's hoping!

Somebody tell me I'm doing things the right way. Somebody remind me that while nice guys may finish last, the wait is TOTALLY worth it. Right? RIGHT?

Somebody stop me from hitting Steve's dad until he pays Steve back for not only all the rent/bills paid, but also all the fucking CRAP we dealt with over there.

To counteract all this silliness, I bring forth the funny:

Hmmm...

Today I got a call from a friend I used to work with and live with before I met Steve. She's working for a vehicle parts distribution place in O'Hare airport. I know she got promoted but I'm not sure exactly what she's doing now. She offered me a job in receiving. I want to take it, but I don't. I need to get my license before I get it, but I need to get that anyway. It would make enough to cover daycare and let us save more than we are now. I don't want Dex in daycare if I can help it though. I like spending my day with him. I like the freedom spending the day with him gets me.

I suppose I could try and see if my mom would watch him during the day during the week. I could pay her and it would help over the summer. This would also just be temporary until the medical transcription stuff starts paying off. I would have my own money, my own insurance, and I could support the group of us if Steve lost his job or got hurt or whatever.

Why am I so hesitant? Why does my gut keep telling me no when it's obviously a good thing?

I got a Nikon camera, I love to take the photographs.

One Half

Exactly 6 months ago I was in a world of hurt, on my way to the hospital. By 1:44pm, I had a baby. Now I have a babbling 20lb monster who likes to pull my hair.

Soon he'll be walking.

So far we haven't had any trouble with him as far as food goes. He likes what we give him. He didn't make a face when he tried prunes, but he also didn't make a face when he tried apples. Maybe he's just getting used to the change. I really, sincerely advocate trying to get your kid to eat real food around 4 months. It seems to have made a difference. (although, if you're gonna get a kid that's just picky, you're out of luck no matter what I guess)

I hope to stay on top of things and keep fresh fruit in the house so he will continue to eat good things. Maybe I'll eat good things too. Who knows.

New favorite.

Andrew Bird's Bowl of Fire. Here is a crappy rendition of his song "Eugene". If you can find a copy of "50 pieces" give it a listen. It's ridiculously awesome in a creepy-30s-music way. I love him and his bowl of fire.

I really should be reading...

Pharmacology has proved to be a tedious module so far. It involves much reading and not so much typing. It did pose this question, and I ask you, oh worthy readers, to answer it's call.

Direct quote from the Administration portion of the Pharmacology module:

"Did you know that the Food and Drug Administration lists over 100 drug administration routes? In fact, there are 111 distinct routes of administration. That’s right, 111 ways to get drugs into your system! I mean, you can probably think of a few of them but can you come up with over a hundred?"

So, can you?

This one's for you, Clay.

We got the heck out of there before we got to the aisle that housed the buckets of mayonnaise and mustard. Alas, there will be no leaving them around until we get skin. They did have this:
Who REALLY needs 5LBS of green beans? I mean, really? Or this much g-d meat:
Someone Steve works with at Jewel said to watch the dates on the meat. Steve said they wouldn't repackage bad meat (because they'd get shut down) but they will try their damndest to sell almost bad stuff.

Bonus Dexter Shot!
He's getting so big. Oh, and he did have socks on. He just never wants to keep them on.


I finished another module in the online school I'm doing. Made me feel good. Including Pharmacology, I have 12 more to go!!! I'm excited. The sooner I finish this, the sooner I have a job- no wait, my career, the sooner I become an actual adult! The sooner we can get our house! The girl I know who does this for a living said when I'm done I should come work for her company. I still have my doubts that I'll actually be able to do it, but I'm working through those.

Today it's beautiful out, and my mom is coming by. Since I've finished a section of school I'm not going to worry about school anymore today. I'm just going to go out and enjoy the grass and the sunshine with my son.

Adventures in Medicining again!

Ok, so enough being angsty. (even if this is an internet blog) I've been working hard at hardly working on MT school. I've come across some more funny things.

1. It is probably not good if your heart doctor is talking about your LIMA.

2. Direct quote from an example of an abbreviation used in a sentence: "Her OMB was totally occluded" Totally.

3. There was an entire page of measurement abbreviations, and when it got to the part where I put them in their proper place to show I know them and know how to spell them, it asked for me to match them with definitions the previous page did not provide. Luckily I'm pretty alright at that "context" thing.

4. This is not as funny as I'd hoped it'd be. I just saw that "totally occluded" and read it like a valley girl would say it and it made me giggle. I'll be regaling you with fun things soon I hope. I needs fun things.

EDIT: "salpingo-oophorectomy" say it out loud to yourself. Hilarious, no? Also, who can really be expected to remember how to spell Esophagogastroduodenoscopy?

short stories

I am about to divulge details of a Neil Gaiman short story that he tucked away in the introduction of one of his short story collections. If you don't want to be spoiler'd then skip over this one. Heck, you probably should skip over it anyways. Anyways, here goes: It's about the perfect couple and their perfect wedding and a wedding present the wife finds a while after they're all settled post-honeymoon. It's a plain manila envelope with a detailed story of their marriage so far. As they continued to read it and as their marriage continued on the story in the envelope started to become the Murphy's Law version of their marriage. In the story marriage she lost her second child. The story husband started having an affair, etc. They both realized that while the story stayed in tact and in the envelope all the bad things about their marriage would stay on the pages and never happen.

Today is one of those days where I think I might've ruined the Murphy's Law envelope without even realizing it.


I think, in regards to relationships, I am broken.

I Watches the Watchmen.

I saw the movie version of my favorite graphic novel. It was relatively faithful, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. They changed one little thing about the ending and it's been eating away at me since I saw it, but the movie is really very good in retrospect. I will own the SUPER AWESOME COOL edition, whenever that comes out. I would love to write a wonderful review of it but I don't have the time and my wrist has been bugging me for days.

I almost got a photography job. A bat mitzvah. I was definitely excited about it. I probably won't get it. It did get the wheels turning and I'm hoping to get some business cards made and a website up and running sometime soon. Now I just need to look through all my pictures and find which ones best describe me and my talents as a photographer. I will most likely be making another blog and posting the pictures there. It's much easier to send people to a blog than a photobucket account. It also looks better on paper.

I swear I'm almost done with the Pathophysiology portion of my medical transcription schoolin'. It has been taking FOREVER!!! I want to kill it! I'm never going to be an MT at this rate. It has been going much faster once I realized taking notes was meaningless.

I dunno, I'm crap at updating lately. I just don't really have much to write about I suppose.

A Quick One

While He's Asleep:

My name is Ira...

Wait, no. Let me start again.

Today my son and a many-legged bug tried to keep me from showering. I fed the boy and squashed the bug. The shower followed shortly after.

When I squashed the bug, all its legs fell off. It was like it had crumple zones or something. One or 2 of the legs stuck around and I fought the heebee jeebies the entire shower. What is it with me and bugs trying to ruin my shower?

Sometimes this place creeps me out at night. On thursday I'll post some pictures, this really is a cute little unassuming house, and during the day I love it. Alone, at night, I run to whatever I need and then run to the bedroom. All the time on the lookout with my back facing the wall.

I don't know if it's leftover anxiety of the day, or my slight wishes and scared to death feelings about seeing a real ghost. I get scenarios in my head of the creepy ways they'd manifest themselves, like if I ask Dex a question and a ghost answers it for him.

I haven't been like this in awhile, and nowhere near as bad as I was when I was little enough to believe Chucky was alive and able to get me. But gosh darn if I'm not getting close.

I need to remind myself that ghosts probably don't have the time for half the crap I can imagine.

It doesn't help that there's this watery noise when the heat turns on. It's weird and creepy and makes me have to pee all at the same time.

Oh hey, kudos and possible Dexter kisses to those who know what my title references AND don't think less of me for making a stupid joke about it.

does not approve.

One can survive on less than an hour of sleep each night, Right? Lie to me and tell me one can.

One can rise above the volcano of rage at the little guy for deciding 2am is when the cool kids decide to poop and then stay up for 2 hours tormenting Mommy by blowing raspberries while the bottle is in their mouth. Please. Tell me sweet fictional bedtime stories about how one can.

One can continually hate and then self-hate for hating because it really is a blessing to have the little guy keeping you up with constant raspberries instead of constant screaming. One can be thankful to have someone to call at 3am, even if all he has to offer is "yeah, I feel that way too." And "I don't know what to tell ya".


One can have a nervous freaking breakdown, and build a little bridge and get over herself I guess.



P.S. Nose, I'm watching you. I'm serious. No more of this one side stuffed up, one side running business. I love you, you have a decent sense about you, but I will seriously pull a Michael Jackson and cut you right the F off. All puns aside, cut it out.

Points of Order:

1. Still no internet. This should be remedied Thursday.

2. Got a cold. I believe the boy does too. :[

3. I find it funny that snoring used to keep me awake, but hearing Dexter's makes me relax and be able to sleep.

4. I don't want to go through any more boxes of our crap!!! I'm done with it! Just sell it all for money for my parents.

C'est la vie.

Today I am hugging my baby extra hard. I am cursing the folly of life and that fact that women who want babies aren't getting them and so many women are having babies they may not want or can't afford. (Myself being one of the latter)

On my birthday I had a dream my baby died. On my birthday my sister's friend had her baby at 25 weeks. He died today. It's my sister's friend's birthday today.

Steve's aunt and uncle had to use a sperm donor to have their son, and they were going to start fertility treatments for another one when she found out she has breast cancer. I'm not doctor, but what if those fertility treatments gave her the cancer?

People are dying to have babies and people are throwing perfectly healthy ones away.

I am pro-choice unless it's being used in lieu of birth control. There are so many times I feel disconnected from my son and I think of how much easier it would be without him. There are many more times I revel in his revelry and I realize just how seemlessly he fits with my boyfriend and I.

I want to loan out my uterus. I want to have a superpower where, instead of aborting a fetus, I could just put it in the womb of a woman who's childless and willing.

I want to enjoy my son's recent love of vegetables without having to think about how my sister's friend won't get to enjoy her son enjoying his. In that same vein, I want to not deal with things by closing my feelings off and being numb to it like I always do, when I turn the feelings off to avoid the bad, they don't always fire right up to enjoy the good.

My heart bleeds for you and Joseph, Tara. it just hemorrhages.

That John Hughes movie plus 9

I'm 1/4 of the way done.

We're Here.

No, no, no. Say it like the Poltergeist girl!

We're moved in and I'm updating from my phone. It was sad and a big relief and maybe we can work through things. Maybe Steve doesn't care to. I am leaving that ball in his proverbial court.

I'm updating from my phone. I don't know when we'll have internet (well high speed internet anyway) so I don't know when the next Dexter blog will be. Hopefully soon. The internet is where I go to school!

Like the Jeffersons, Baby!

A) I am moving tomorrow, or bust.

B) He tried to kick Dexter and I out last night.

C) I am going to be without internet there for a few days. Will try my best to get back to all you avid readers (who never comment anymore :D ) soon.

Come help me move! seriously!

Tagged

I was asked to open up the first picture folder and post the first picture. That's Fox on Fourth of July of 08. Yes that is a bottle of Butterscotch Schnapps in his mouth. Yes it's still closed. :D (that and I don't think there was enough to get Thumbelina drunk left in there)

I suppose I've got to tag some other folks too... hmmm...

1. Rooked (I'm sure we'd all like to see what pictures he's got cooped up in there.)
2. Slingshot Rock
3. Clay
5. Angry Georgian

I will be so glad to soon be rid of an apartment where I'm constantly wondering where the weird smells are eminating from.

$25K and then some?

I have seriously been contemplating the idea of being a surrogate. It pays pretty well, and I think I would be ok with someone getting the baby they so desperately want if it means I would have a nice down payment on a house.

Does anyone have any experience with that? Any glaring red flags I need to look out for?

I really kinda liked being pregnant. I know every pregnancy is different, but I think I would like to do it again, and I'd love to let someone have a baby that they wouldn't normally have on their own. Man, $25,000 plus compensation sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me.

He's just a love machine

The way to a girl's heart is paved with robots.