C'est la vie.

Today I am hugging my baby extra hard. I am cursing the folly of life and that fact that women who want babies aren't getting them and so many women are having babies they may not want or can't afford. (Myself being one of the latter)

On my birthday I had a dream my baby died. On my birthday my sister's friend had her baby at 25 weeks. He died today. It's my sister's friend's birthday today.

Steve's aunt and uncle had to use a sperm donor to have their son, and they were going to start fertility treatments for another one when she found out she has breast cancer. I'm not doctor, but what if those fertility treatments gave her the cancer?

People are dying to have babies and people are throwing perfectly healthy ones away.

I am pro-choice unless it's being used in lieu of birth control. There are so many times I feel disconnected from my son and I think of how much easier it would be without him. There are many more times I revel in his revelry and I realize just how seemlessly he fits with my boyfriend and I.

I want to loan out my uterus. I want to have a superpower where, instead of aborting a fetus, I could just put it in the womb of a woman who's childless and willing.

I want to enjoy my son's recent love of vegetables without having to think about how my sister's friend won't get to enjoy her son enjoying his. In that same vein, I want to not deal with things by closing my feelings off and being numb to it like I always do, when I turn the feelings off to avoid the bad, they don't always fire right up to enjoy the good.

My heart bleeds for you and Joseph, Tara. it just hemorrhages.