Somewhere in the midst of being entirely freaked out and engorged with self doubt and baby, I realized I'm not excited about his arrival. I don't have the funds or the space or the patience and I'm stuck somewhere I wasn't wanted in the first place.
I should really round up check stubs and bank statements and see exactly how much I spent on the man child who occupies the top half of the hovel I'm living in right now. I can't remember how many times I told steve we weren't going to see a penny of any kind of settlement money. I don't even want to go by my mom and dad's anymore because it just sucks that I don't ever get to live there and I'm the only one who hasn't made them feel like crap.
I miss Niko and I hate getting the run around when I try to make plans to see him.
My baby gets the Baltic and Mediteranean Ave. of mothers and residences.
13 years ago
2 comments:
you haven't even begun to go schizo yet.... you will never feel like anything is enough or right... the worry you have about your kid never goes away, you just learn to make friends with it & from time to time you let it kick your ass & sometimes you even get to kick it's ass, it's the roller coaster of life... just know that you will do it & it will work out and be good. when he comes out & you & steve get involved with him, your fears melt down to a tolerable level... trust me. until that happens, GET ALL THE SLEEP YOU CAN! AND DO NOT LET ANYTHING BOTHER YOU! its impossible to do i know, but really... try to do it!!!!
and remember we love you...
I agree with Clay.
It's like the saying when life gives you lemons make lemonade.
You.ve got to beleive things will get better.
Things will change when Dexter gets here!You've got to believe that.please try to relax a little and enjoy this time as you wait for your son to be born.
xo
G
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