Morpheus and I need to have a word or three...

OR: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Realize sometimes a Tootsie Pop is just a Tootsie Pop.


I need to remember to put my dreams in here before they fade away over the course of the day.

I've never been the type of person to be able to dream about things that I can recognize from what I've been thinking about or talking about during my day and/or week. Sometimes, but usually I have weird, non-relative stuff floating around in my head. I'm also usually a very lucid dreamer. I understand where I'm at and can sometimes change the outcome. None of this has been true as of late.

It started a couple nights ago. Sometime last week. Let's say wednesday. Now, in the days before wednesday, I can't be too sure when, I realized I was wearing the same underwear I wore when I miscarried back in october. I marveled at why I kept them and how clean they got in the wash. I almost didn't recognize them. I had a fleeting though of "If it happens again these are getting a Viking funeral." Then again, they should probably get one anyway. I didn't give it one more thought the rest of my day.

Now we come to Wednesday night. I guess it would be more like Thursday morning. Steve comes home around 7am, and I wake up, roll over, and fall back asleep. I had slept like a rock through dreamless sleep up until then. Once I fell back asleep it got bad. I can't remember the other 2 or three dreams I had that morning, but I do remember dreaming I was in a bathroom in a hardware store like the one my grandpa used to work at. Dinky little place. I was wearing khaki pants, and as I sat down to pee I noticed the front of them was fine. Nothing on them. Then I pulled my pants down the rest of the way and there was blood everywhere, and I had those goddamn underwear on again. After seeing the blood I looked at the front of my pants again, and the blood had soaked through, and looked like it had been there for hours. Normally, this isn't much of a disturbing dream, but I was so convinced it was reality that I almost woke Steve to tell him we had to go to the hospital. I'm just glad I woke up as the big huge boulder of dread was settling down right on my heart.

A couple days after that I had a dream that I was trying to find work down by my grandparents' house in Jacksonville. Apparently I was going to work at some office for the people who ran the garbage dump. Everyone in there was super overweight and they all would only talk to me after I yelled at them to listen, or yelled "Hello". They just seemed pretty zombie-esque. Not in a way where I feared for my brains, moreso that they were tired and zoned out. Then I was in my grandparents' frontroom. They still had the piano, and they had their old orange sofabed. I haven't seen that thing since I was like, 12. My grandma was telling some little kid they had done a horrible job on their drawing. Not even noticing who the kid was, I started berating her, telling her how incredibly wrong she was. Then she sat down and made this pouty face. Right then, she tied this black and white ribbon that was pinned right at the V part of the neck on this orange sweater vest she was wearing. And I was holding the kid, and it was my nephew Fox. My grandma mentioned how he looked just like his dad. I looked over and Fox was my brother as an infant.

I heard Hanson on the tv then, so I went to look and they were walking through the crowd, singing their song. They had pulled a trio of guys from the audience and they were letting them play their instruments. While dreaming I thought "sexist." Upon waking I thought "How did they find three boys at a hanson concert who liked them enough to know how to play their songs?"

After that I went outside and my cousin derek was there. I ashed him why he was in Jacksonville and he said for a graduation party. I gave him a hug and woke up soon after that. In the dream he never said who's it was, but when I woke up I was convinced it was my brother's.

This brings us to today. My first dream had me at Kori's grandma's house. I didn't recognize it or her grandma, but my dreams often put strangers as my family members. They had a measly little set up on the table for snacks for Kori's friends who came. A couple pieces of candy, and some cups and plates. Probably some silverware too, but my memory of it is fading. I grabbed an orange Tootsie Pop. Kori freaked out after seeing me sucking on it. She snapped at me, saying "That was for Ryan!" I spent the remainder of that portion of the dream looking everywhere for a big bag of Tootsie Pops so I could dump them all over the table and snap right back at her and say "Here, now there's plenty." Only problem was I couldn't find any. So I went home. I lived in this raggedy little old house with maybe 3-5 rooms total. I lived with steve and his dad. Mine and Steve's bedroom was exactly the same as it is now, just in a different house. I told him I was worried because we didn't have an ultrasound of the baby yet, and he said we could just take it out and check it, then put it back in. And then he did just that. I freaked out a little when he tried to put it back in, thinking it would hurt, but I didn't feel anything. Then my parents came by to visit and I spent the rest of that segment of dream trying to get my mom to the side to ask her if it really is ok for the baby to be taken out and put back in. I never got to ask her. The next part had me in what the dream said was Georgia, and I was with Julie and Clay. We were driving around what was supposed to be Atlanta, and he was giving us this detailed tour, full of history about the place. It's all a kind of fast, jumbled ride, so I forget most of the details of that part. The next thing I know I'm in Kori's room, and we're watching some show she got on dvd. She had already got to episode three, so that was what we watched. Then she went to work and I watched episode 1 and 2 to catch up. It had the girl from Scrubs in it. (although I'll always know her as the girl who was becky temporarily on Roseanne) Sarah Chalke or whatever... Anyways, Kori comes back, we start talking about the show, and she gets mad, thinking I watched it all while she was gone. I told her I just watched the first 2 episodes. I must've been reading a magazine or something because I don't remember looking at her while I was talking to her, but she kept talking myspace-y pictures of herself while we discussed how the show made the characters out to be super stereotypical. The girl kept being a typical bitchy/crazy girl, and the guys were sex-crazed, a little dumb, and got to make all the best jokes. I woke up when she deleted one of the pictures she took of herself, deeming it Too "Typical Girl"

Thanks if you read through all that. It's been a weird few days here lately.

It's long and involved, but I beg you, if you know anything about dream interpretation, let me know what's up.

Work sucked last night. I was stuck cleaning the way too full, way too hot popcorn bin. It also seemed that every time I stuck my head in to clean, that was when a customer wanted a refill of something. it sucked. I'm so glad I don't have work today. I should try and go see The Other Boleyn Girl. Anyone want to go? I need to check the schedule anyways.

And I think I completely forgot to punch out last night. I need to stop that.