In case anyone else was wondering...

I had someone ask me what my blog name meant. To be clear, (and I thought it was) think of the phrase "heart of gold". It's one of those things writers like because it sums up a lot about a person in a neat little package. How would one envision someone with a heart that's just gold-plated?

Seriously folks, this has nothing to do with where you put your food. :[


Georgia is fun, and the time is fleeting as usual. Last night Steve said we could stay another day, which is nice of him. I think he's thinking that if we're going to be driving all night it will be easier on him to get back into the swing of things for work the next night.

I am going to have a TON of pictures for you all.

The weather has been wonderful.

Besides all the getting ready for a road trip, things have been good. Dex started saying "mama" today. It wasn't directed at me, and I don't think he knows that "Mama" means me yet. I keep saying "what did you need?" or "Yes, I'm right here." when he says it. Hopefully he'll put 2 and 2 together soon. I can't wait!

On the road again...

On Monday I will be spending approximately 12 hours in a car with these two.

6 more days!

Then I will be in Georgia! I can't wait to introduce the little guy to all the new little guys down there. I can't wait to have him meet Julie, Clay, and the boys. I might even take her up on the offer to babysit him all the time.

The car has been tinkered with and looked over and is running better than when we got it. The brakes are fixed, oil is changed and we're ready to go. I have some laundry to do and another physical therapy appointment for Dex tomorrow, and after that it's packing, packing, and more packing. Then it's driving, driving, and more driving. I am so excited about it now, but we'll see how we all feel (Julia included) after spending 10-12 hours in a car with a baby who wants nothing to do with it. Hopefully I can be extra silly and string up some toys or something to distract her from hating not being held by her mom. Pray for me folks, I'll be in a car going from Chicago to Newnan, GA with a 7 month old and a 3 month old in the car. Yikes.

Every couple of moons...

I get this insurmountable urge to do a clean sweep of my online friends. The last time I did it I wiped out a bunch of folks I used to work with at Stones. This time it's hitting a little closer to home, or at least what was home a good 4-5 years ago.

It's sad when people I used to see almost daily are only glimpses on a feed on a networking website. These people who claimed to be my friends but scampered as quick as they could when I needed them most. I'm also kind of leery of the rationale behind someone's significant other being friends with me, and the person I used to know won't even send back an email. Or accept a friend request.

It was a rough day with Dex today, (and I'm going to get by a bunch of moms for saying this), his bad days are much worse because he's usually so mellow and calm otherwise. Sure, he can be a whiny brat, but only when he really needs something. It's rough to not be able to fix things for him. I know I'm pretty crazy, but my mind goes bad places when he starts acting like something's wrong.

P.S. on the Dex front, he might need a helmet to help shape his head. Apparently he's got plagiocephaly. He definitely has torticollis. Poor little guy looks like he's constantly resting his left ear on his shoulder. We go for physical therapy on wednesday. Here's hoping that his ears only look asymmetrical because he's always tilting his head.

I've been wondering who I fucked karmic-ly because (omitting all things related to Dex) I've had a shit year. I don't want to say things have gone bad ever since I got serious with Steve, but they kind of have. I think if we just had a couple days to ourselves we could sit and think all this through and figure out wtf is wrong. I think that lack of sleep has made us unable to sift through the crap so we bicker about EVERYTHING. Not in front of Dex, but it's started seeping that way. I don't like it. Part of me thinks that if he really loved me he'd have asked me to marry him by now. I'm sort of just resigning myself to being a girlfriend forever and am looking into decently priced insurance policies because unless I have his last name, I won't be on Steve's. (which is like, reason #5 billion why it'd be nice if we were legally bonded. Definitely not top of the list, but nice)

I am looking forward and I'm thinking of vacations in the future and the possibility that Steve's mom and stepdad will be out of town this weekend. Here's hoping!

Somebody tell me I'm doing things the right way. Somebody remind me that while nice guys may finish last, the wait is TOTALLY worth it. Right? RIGHT?

Somebody stop me from hitting Steve's dad until he pays Steve back for not only all the rent/bills paid, but also all the fucking CRAP we dealt with over there.

To counteract all this silliness, I bring forth the funny:

Hmmm...

Today I got a call from a friend I used to work with and live with before I met Steve. She's working for a vehicle parts distribution place in O'Hare airport. I know she got promoted but I'm not sure exactly what she's doing now. She offered me a job in receiving. I want to take it, but I don't. I need to get my license before I get it, but I need to get that anyway. It would make enough to cover daycare and let us save more than we are now. I don't want Dex in daycare if I can help it though. I like spending my day with him. I like the freedom spending the day with him gets me.

I suppose I could try and see if my mom would watch him during the day during the week. I could pay her and it would help over the summer. This would also just be temporary until the medical transcription stuff starts paying off. I would have my own money, my own insurance, and I could support the group of us if Steve lost his job or got hurt or whatever.

Why am I so hesitant? Why does my gut keep telling me no when it's obviously a good thing?

I got a Nikon camera, I love to take the photographs.