Magical Thinking

It will be the end of me. Without going into too much detail, I'm pretty sure I've got some major OCD things going on. I'm in the process of getting them squared away and tucked under the rug.

This year has not gone like I planned it to. My best friend moved to Germany. Our house is falling apart. (It's been mainly plumbing issues). This is making my marriage get on shaky ground. I am sure my husband loves me and our son. I'm sure he wants things to work. I'm just not so sure he knows how to, and our financial situation leaves no room for therapy. Because of this, I just have to keep reminding myself he loves us, and just isn't the best at communication. In less than a month we'll have been married for a year. The second year is supposed to go smoother, yes?

We had planned on having our second and final child this year. My body has not been keen on this idea. I'm going to get myself checked out asap. Right now our situation stands at "not trying NOT to have a kid" and next year we will get up to our ears in the "for real" planning. This is all assuming we won't get lucky before then. Who knows, maybe our honeymoon will do the trick, if only my period would make up it's mind and just stop for more than 2 days at a time. :/

Of course, writing all this out here is making the irrational alarms in my brain go off. [DONT TELL THE INTERNET! NOW ITLL NEVER HAPPEN!] I'm also sure that if I keep all the dexter clothes and toys from his infancy/toddlerdom that I'll be guaranteeing a barren womb. Contrarywise, my brain is yelling that the moment I just get rid of it all I'll be bangulated and pregnafied before I can say spit. Then I just look at most of it and can't bear to part with it. I've condensed it a lot. Our community center is having a huge kids sale next month. I have two decent-sized boxes to price. Hopefully I can get it all sold. If not, our town has a yearly city-wide garage sale. I'll try and pass them off to folks then. I need to see how much it would cost to put an ad for it in the paper. I have too much crap. COME BUY MY JUNK.

This is much to random, I believe. My brain seems like it's barely functioning lately. The days fly by. I wish I was still in Jacksonville. Things go slower there.