Don't hate it too hard, it's still in the beginning stages. Constructive criticism is welcome.
Past Due
"You probably don't want to know the things I can do to keep your attention." he said. He couldn't have been more than 19. I don't know if you're like me, and have thought of these things, but you never think you'll say what actually comes out of your mouth when surprised with a stranger in your house in the small hours of the night. I believe I told him something like "Please don't take my TV." Never mind my daughter, Ellie, sleeping upstairs. I was trying to keep my breathing parallel with the tiny snores I heard coming from her baby monitor. I just didn't want to focus on the young man sitting across the kitchen table from me. He was so god-damned
normal. Short, dark, curly hair and big green eyes offset how he was keeping his mouth. I wouldn't say he was frowning. He was just sort of not emoting in any direction.
I'm getting ahead of myself.
I suppose I should tell you about how far back we lived from the road. I should mention that my husband worked nights. I kept odd hours because of the hours he kept. Well, I kept as odd of hours as I could with a 2 year old in the house. We had just moved to this house 4 years ago. My husband said a fresh start begins with fresh air, and I believed him. Ellie was proof of that I guess. I was doing dishes when I turned around to be greeted by my gentleman caller. He just walked up behind me and pulled the headphones right off of my head. I don't know why I didn't scream. Maybe my subconscious knew no one would hear anyways. Maybe I felt safer because I could hear Ellie snoring away on the monitor and knew he hadn't hurt her yet. After I dropped and broke my grandma's coffee mug, he walked between the sink and I and slowly ushered me to the seat furthest away from the kitchen door. He never touched me, just kept walking towards me, not saying anything. He took the seat across the table. We sat in silence for about 20 minutes before I mentioned the TV. Then I got ballsy and yelled that if he's not going to talk I'm going to refuse to believe he was even real. He sort of smiled and then said the line I suckered all of you in with.
I folded, unfolded, and folded the dish towel in my hands after he spoke. God damn if I couldn't feel every single muscle in my body when he started digging in his front pants pocket. It pains me to say it because it's so cliche, but it's true. Time slows to a crawl in times like these. It turned out he pulled out a pack of cigarettes. I almost cried I was so relieved. He lit a cigarette and sucked up a whole lot of smoke and then blew it at the window, fogging it up.
"You're going to tell me about yourself."
"What?" I managed to squeak out. He repeated himself. "I'm 30. I live in a small town. I'm a mother and a wife. I have one child. I-" I was glad when he interrupted because I hadn't even breathed I was so nervous.
"No. You're going to tell me
everything." Smoke poured out of his mouth as he spoke.
"Oh."
I didn't know where to begin. Don't get me wrong, it was as fresh in my mind as if it had happened this night instead of 5 years prior. It was just a mass of images in my brain. I wanted to sort them out before saying anything. He had been such a difficult baby, from conception. I didn't sleep because he didn't. My husband was picking up overtime to get away from the crying from both of us. He was so tiny. Never thought I could hate something so damn tiny. I can't rightly say I was even aware of what I was doing until it was silent and I was so relieved. That relief made my stomach turn. Maybe more than the relief made my stomach turn. I know the vomit on the floor led the cops to believe I was in shock and I didn't remedy anything they said that was wrong in regards to cause and effect. What always struck me as funny is I didn't sleep much after, either.
The young man across the table finally smiled. I didn't even get a chance to say a word. I kid you not, he was acting like he could read my mind. We stood simultaneously. He got really close to me. His eyes were at my level and he just looked at me for awhile. My legs felt all watery, but I didn't break his gaze. I couldn't give in to shock anymore, I think I had used up my share that's allotted for a life. It was so, so quiet. Silent. I knew that silence. My legs righted themselves and I pushed past him to climb the stairs. I couldn't care about him anymore. I don't tell this part much, because I don't know if it was real, but I swear it was like his body broke apart when I ran into his shoulder.
"You had to know this was coming!" he yelled up the stairs after me but I barely heard him. I thought I was going to knock Ellie's door off it's hinges with the way I tore it open. It didn't matter though. It didn't change anything. I don't care how fast I got up the stairs. There was a little girl lying in bed in her Buzz Lightyear pajamas, but Ellie was long gone. They don't look like a sleeping doll when they go, you know. Don't believe that if that's what they tell you. They don't.
My husband and the rest of the world didn't look at me the same after that. I don't really want to get into that, though. You know what? I don't tell most folks this either, because I'm not sure if it was real either, but when my husband was dragging me from her room, I saw her window was smoky, and someone had written "See you around, Mom" in it with their finger. But that can't be real, right?
